Are you pregnant or have you just had a baby? Congratulations and all the best to you and your child.
You've probably also experienced that the first question is about the sex of your child. "Do you already know what it will be?" and "What is it?" are perfectly normal questions when it comes to pregnancy and babies.
Perhaps you've asked a doctor or midwife this question during an examination. Or perhaps you've been asked this question by others in your circle. We talk a lot about equality and how we're really only concerned about the health of our offspring. Yet gender seems to be very important to us.
The usual answer is "It's a girl" or "It's a boy." However, sometimes things are different, and the answer would then have to be: "We don't know yet."
What kind of answer is that: "We don't know yet"? Surely we do know! That's what many people assume. And generally, that's true. But sometimes a child's sex deviates from the expected norm and looks different. At least different from what one would normally expect a boy or a girl to look like.
Intersexuality diagnosis – now recognized as a variation in sex development
In these cases, one speaks of a variation in sex development. Older terms include DSD, from the English term "Differences of Sex Development," or the medical term intersexuality. In earlier times, the term hermaphrodite was used.
A variation in sex development, or DSD, does not mean that a child is ill or needs treatment. However, various things need to be examined and clarified. Firstly, everyone wants to be sure that everything is really alright with the baby.
On the other hand, everyone hopes that a deeper reason might be found for this exception to the rule. Of course, these children also have a gender; it's just not clearly identifiable or determinable through external or internal characteristics.
For pregnant women or new parents who hear "We don't know" from healthcare professionals, this simple sentence can trigger significant uncertainty and anxiety. They worry about their baby's health and what the future holds. Many are also unsettled, as they have plans, hopes, and wishes surrounding their child. Now, the future seems uncertain.
The concern about health is usually unfounded
To begin with, children with a variation in sex development (DSD) are generally healthy. Only in rare cases is urgent medical treatment necessary. As a rule, these children develop just like all other children. They have the same needs for warmth, love, recognition, and care from their parents as all children.
The medical examinations performed when a variation in sex development is suspected are somewhat different. These include things like ultrasound scans, blood tests for genetics and hormones, and similar procedures. This data is needed to make an accurate diagnosis.
Some of these medical tests are performed very quickly after an initial suspected diagnosis. However, they are generally not urgent and can wait. After all, parents and baby first need to get to know each other properly and learn about life as a family. This exciting first period, with all its changes, is important for everyone involved and for the future, and cannot be repeated.
Diagnoses and examinations can bring clarity
Some parents of a child with DSD wonder why there are so many tests and what their purpose is. It's important to understand that the term "variations of sex development" is actually a term that encompasses a wide range of different diagnoses.
The more accurately the diagnosis can be established through various examinations, the more precise the picture will be of the child's potential development. Or, put another way, the better the results of an examination, the better the outlook for the baby's likely gender.
These uncertainties surrounding one's own child can be unsettling for expectant mothers or new parents. Everything was imagined differently, and now one struggles with feelings like sadness or fear.
This situation is understandable to all of us on a human level, even if most of us will never have to deal with the issue directly. Talking to someone you trust or to people who are knowledgeable about the topic can be helpful during this time.
Specialized counseling centers offer support, though unfortunately there are few of them. Self-help groups are another option. Sharing experiences with other parents can be encouraging, especially if similar situations have been encountered. Parents of older children who were born intersex could be considered true experts in everyday life, offering a unique form of support.
Gender rights – what options are there?
Practical matters following a birth include things like registering the new arrival with the civil registry. In the past, this was somewhat difficult if the child's sex was not yet known.
Fortunately, for several years now there have been various options for entering the gender on the birth certificate, giving parents a choice. It's not mandatory to enter "female" or "male." You can leave the gender entry blank or choose to enter "diverse.".
Should parents or the child later wish to change the initial registration entry, this is possible even in cases of gender variation without much difficulty. Naturally, a new name can also be chosen in this context, if desired.
Apart from that, parents are free to choose the gender they wish to raise their child in. A child whose sex cannot be clearly classified as female or male could, for example, be raised in a gender role assigned female, even if their legal gender has been left open. This makes it easier for some parents if the child is very young, needs further examinations, or if they do not yet wish to disclose the gender to those around them.
Taking an assertive approach – also a (good) option
However, there are also parents who prefer to address the topic directly. In that case, the answer to the question "What is it?" might well be: "We don't know yet. It can't speak yet and tell us anything about it!"
This was just a brief foray into the world of variations in sex development. A mother once described this world as "a journey to a foreign country with a completely different culture," and I think that sums it up perfectly. The topic has many facets, so much so that one could spend days exploring this land and discovering new things. And one could write many more colorful articles about it.
Gerda Janssen-Schmidchen is a trained mediator and conflict consultant and has been working for Inter-Beratung Bremen .
Inter-counseling provides affected individuals, as well as parents, relatives and friends, and professionals who come into contact with the topic of inter*, with independent, respectful, open-ended, anonymous and free advice on equal terms regarding all questions of variations in sex development.