Leonie is 12 years old. Although she is so young, she is facing a mountain of intense emotions. Her grandmother died a year ago. Leonie often still feels very sad. But she doesn't tell anyone in her family.
Instead, she tries to be strong, worried about burdening her family even more. But the grief finds its way out: stomach aches, insomnia, anger. Leonie is not an isolated case, reports Beate Alefeld-Gerges, founder of Trauerland (Griefland).
The pandemic's negative impact on the grieving process
Many children and young people, like Leonie, have lost their grandmother; others their mother, father, or a sibling. They all need space to express and process their grief – space that everyday life often doesn't provide.
Even under "normal" circumstances, a loss is extremely distressing. But now, the side effects of the Corona pandemic are further intensifying the burdens faced by those affected.
For about a year now, we've observed that the children in our bereavement groups are carrying more heaviness and anxiety. This is hardly surprising: the death of someone close to them has caused them to lose a sense of basic trust, and the pandemic has further intensified their insecurity and feelings of loss of control.
The dramatic change in life circumstances throws the child's entire world into turmoil. The consequences include emotional, social, and often also economic burdens.
What effect does this additional burden have on grieving teenagers?
Adolescents are showing a stronger tendency to withdraw. Those who were already under multiple stress and had fewer resources before the pandemic have now fallen even further behind, as the COPSY study (Corona and Psyche), University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf (2021) indicates.
Many are sharing even less than before. The strategy of remaining "cool" is meant to protect them from being overwhelmed by intense emotions. Often, family members don't even notice this. They themselves are under immense strain and face the Herculean task of balancing their own grief, caring for their families, and, in recent months, frequently also homeschooling and working from home.
Remote support
In recent months, we have spoken with many parents who already face numerous challenges alone after the death of their partner and are constantly pushed to their limits. They are grieving themselves, but the enormous pressures of daily life leave them little time for it.
When we had to temporarily suspend our group activities in spring 2020 due to the first lockdown, our team thought long and hard about how we could still be there for the affected families alongside our telephone counselling services. The result was a short video series for home use.
Under the hashtag #wirsindda (we are there), members of our team show children, young people, and their families ways to cope with pent-up emotions like anger or fear in short films. These include exercises that not only support the grieving process but also empower all young people facing challenges. We are fully committed to continuing this series.
All previous exercises are available here as a playlist.
Every person is an expert on their own grief
Leonie, by the way, has found her way through grief. She has been coming to Trauerland for individual counseling for several months now. Here, together with one of our educators, she has been able to work out that her sadness is often suppressed by anger and then remains only a small, fragile piece in her heart.
She discovered that this sadness could use some love and care. As a memento, she took a glass heart with her and wants to try out ways in the coming weeks to give the sadness more space and love.
Leonie's story shows how important it is to give space to each individual's grieving process and to cope with loss in their own way. The desire to offer all grieving children and young people this opportunity is what drives us at Trauerland.
A contribution by Myriam Metry and Silke Boos from Trauerland – Center for grieving children and young people e. V.