How exciting! A new chapter of your life is beginning. Not only is your child taking another step towards independence, but you'll also have more space for yourself.
You may have been thinking about this for a long time, and now the time has come. How can you best prepare yourself and your child for this new phase of life? Annika Christiansen from the Early Intervention Center Mitte offers valuable tips on the topic of settling into daycare.
First steps
A few weeks before your child starts, begin looking at books about daily life at daycare with them. This way, they can become familiar with the world of daycare, with its new children, new adults, and new surroundings. It can also help you mentally rehearse the idea of entrusting your child to (still) unfamiliar care.
Shop for things your child needs for daycare together. Whether it's a backpack, lunchbox, or rain boots, your child will be proud to choose their own daycare items. If they're still too young, take them shopping anyway and explain what you're buying and why. Your child will sense your preparation for this new situation.
The introductory meeting
The initial meeting with the daycare is coming up. Write down all your questions for the caregivers at home. Don't be afraid to ask them! Good preparation will give you confidence, which you'll need to be a safe and secure point of contact for your child during the settling-in period.
It is important for the educators to know your prior experiences:
- How much contact has your child had with other children?
- Has grandpa, aunt, or family best friend ever looked after your child alone?
- Has there already been an adjustment period that didn't work out?
- What stage of development is your child currently at?
- What rituals does your child already know?
- What does it like to play and eat?
The aim here is to allow the educators to adapt to your child and thus make their start in the best possible way.
Take yourself seriously!
Your story is also important! If you don't want to share this personal information with the educators, it will still be helpful for you to be aware of a few things:
- How do I feel about the idea of leaving my child in the hands of strangers?
- What is my story with my child from pregnancy and birth to the present day?
- What experiences have I had with goodbyes?
- What do I need to create a good farewell for my child?
- What new opportunities will I gain by having my child cared for by someone else?
- How would I like to use this for myself?
Take yourself and your feelings seriously! The settling-in period at daycare isn't just another step towards independence for your child, but also means you have to learn to let go a little. If you succeed at this, it will strengthen your relationship!
The first day of settling in is coming up
You brought everything the daycare asked you to, e.g., your child's favorite cuddly toy, photos of your family, a scarf with your scent, etc.
You already know the schedule for the first week, as the caregivers shared it with you during the initial meeting. This allows you to approach your child's first day at the daycare with a sense of calm and confidence, even if you're feeling a little nervous. Your confidence will rub off on your child, regardless of their age!
It's a very tiring and exciting time for you, your child, and your family at home! It's important for you to end each day at daycare on a positive note. Take it slow and don't rush anything! Even if your employer or the daycare center puts pressure on you as a mother or father. The more positive and relaxed you make the initial meeting, the more your child will want to go back to daycare.
When is the best time to go away for an extended period of time for the first time?
Has your child already crawled or walked independently into other rooms without you? Do they feel comfortable with the other children and their primary caregiver? Do you and the caregiver at the daycare have a good feeling about it? Give it a try! It's important that you calmly explain your plans to your child.
Please don't sneak off without saying goodbye! The experience of unexpectedly "losing" their primary caregiver can trigger separation anxiety in your child. Tell your child that you're just going for a short walk/shopping trip or something similar and will be right back.
Even if your child cries, they have their primary caregiver from the daycare to comfort them. That's why it's important not to rush the separation process. Your child needs to have a relationship with their new caregiver to cope with the situation without a parent!
Take your time!
"But it's going so well!" Your child is crawling or toddling happily around the rooms?! You feel like you could leave after just three days without your child being sad about it?! Be happy that you have such an open and confident child. But still, take it slowly!
If the settling-in period is too fast, your child may exhibit different behavior in a few months. It's possible that your child will find it very difficult to separate from you every morning. This is hard to correct retroactively. So don't rush things!
What is important for the relationship between you and the educators?
You are the expert on your child! You know them best. If, for example, you feel that separation wouldn't be a good idea today, then speak up. Conversely, the caregiver is the expert when it comes to the settling-in period. They have probably done this many times and gained a lot of experience. Communicate regularly and stay informed.
In the hectic daily routine of a daycare center, staff can sometimes overlook or miss something. Therefore, please don't hesitate to ask again if you don't understand something or have any doubts about the next steps. This way, you can both approach the settling-in period as equals, and the caregiver can build a strong relationship with your child. This is very important so that your child feels comfortable and can develop positively in the daycare setting.
Do you feel like something isn't quite right and would like to talk about it? Feel free to contact one of the early intervention centers in Bremen. We'll take the time to calmly assess your situation and offer advice.
Annika Christiansen works as a social worker at the early intervention center of the German Red Cross (DRK) Bremen district association . Together with her colleague Christine Sellschopp, she offers counseling and support for pregnant women and families with infants and toddlers aged 0 to 3 years. She also runs the open parent-child group, where parents can meet, connect, and share experiences. Children can get to know other children, and, if desired, they can experience their first moments without their parents.