Topics like "saying no" and "setting boundaries" are almost always on the agenda in the parent-child group at the KiDoZ community and family center . The meetings in Bremen's Neustadt district primarily focus on sharing experiences and providing suggestions for play and physical activity.
But Ulrike Glingener, a qualified social worker at the SOS Children's Village in Bremen, frequently encounters mothers and fathers asking how best to interact with their children. The educator knows that children between the ages of 1.5 and 3.5 are reluctant to cooperate because they want to do or decide everything themselves.
She has 10 good tips and ideas for parents who don't know what to do in such situations:
1) Catch your child when they are being good.
Children sometimes do silly things to get attention. You can prevent this by watching and talking to your child while they are occupied.
You can also give praise, e.g. "I'm happy that you're building something so beautiful with the building blocks" or: "I'm happy that you're all so friendly to each other."
2) Keep your promise
If you want to do something in peace without interruptions, play with your child undisturbed for a while beforehand; this will make the wait easier. If your child has to wait, promise to play together later and keep your promise. Ask your child what they would like to do while you wait and have a book or toy with you.
3) Announce what's coming up
Announce what is about to happen or what will happen later in the day. Here are examples for various everyday situations:
- "Breakfast will be ready soon, finish your game and come into the kitchen."
- "We're going to visit Grandma soon, I'm getting dressed now, then I'll get you dressed."
- "At the end of this story, television will cease to exist."
- "You can go down the slide or climb three more times, then we're going home."
- "It's almost time to clock off, we'll say goodbye to everyone, see you tomorrow and sing our farewell song."
4) Formulate your wishes positively
Think carefully about what you want and find a positive way to phrase it. Here are examples for different everyday situations:
- "I want you to sit on the bus." (instead of running around on the bus)
- "We'll tidy up before eating." (because it's always difficult afterwards)
- "I'll read you something after you've brushed your teeth."
5) Offer alternatives
If you don't want your child to do something, offer them an alternative. Here are examples for different everyday situations:
- "Don't jump here, do it there instead."
- "You shall not throw this object, take this one."
- "You can draw on paper or play something else." (e.g., if the wall/wallpaper is not to be painted).
6) Think about what is important to your child
First step:
Consider what your child's needs are currently important in your situation – these can be very different things, such as the urge to move, hunger, tiredness, desire to explore – and what they need to fulfill them.
Second step:
Tell your child that you understand what they want and how they are feeling, or what is making them angry, sad, or frustrated. This doesn't necessarily mean you will do what they want. You can't discipline tired or sick children; they need sleep and care.
7) Make suggestions if the child is restless or needs cuddling
If your child is restless or "fidgety", you can invite your child, e.g.
- whether it wants cuddles or a "pizza" massage .
- whether it wants to sit with you.
- whether you would like to sing together or look at a book.
Perhaps a rough-and-tumble session is in order, such as air boxing, balloon football, jumping on thick cushions, spinning around, dancing to music, etc. All of this can be done indoors – or you can go outside and romp around in the playground
8) Let your child choose – but within certain limits
Give your child a choice, but set the parameters yourself. This way, you make your expectations clear and demonstrate your resolve. Here are examples for various everyday situations:
- "Now we need to tidy up! Should we do it together or will you do it alone?"
- "Which trousers would you like to wear: the green ones or the red ones?"
- "Do you want to sit on my lap on the bus or in your own seat?"
- "Will you hold my hand or would you rather sit in the buggy?"
9) Use a small competition or a game
If your child is dawdling, but you're in a real hurry (e.g., for an important appointment or a date), try a little competition or a game. Here are a few examples:
- "We have to leave soon. Shall we see who gets dressed first?"
- Use an hourglass/egg timer or an alarm clock.
- Mutual dressing: "You put my shoes on, I'll put your pants on..."
10) Observe what's going well – and keep an eye on yourself
Parents of young children know this: there are always some really difficult phases. At the end of the day, consciously consider how often your child was cooperative. You might realize it wasn't so rare after all. Regularly do something for yourself and your energy reserves, for example, have breakfast with friends, go to the cinema, or take a long walk.
Let me know if you have any more creative ideas, I'll pass them on: Contact
You can find more parenting tips from Ulrike Glingener here
Ulrike Glingener is a qualified social worker and has worked at the SOS Children's Village Bremen. Together with the Office for Social Services (AfSD), she and her colleagues form the Early Intervention Center South. Anyone interested can numerous programs for mothers and fathers at the SOS Children's Village Center or the Huckelriede Neighborhood Center meet